Where Are All the TED Talks by Losers?

So I’m a loser.  At least societally speaking.  Times are tough right now, I’m relying on people more than I have in a long time, and I’m coming to terms with the many mistakes that I’ve made over the last few years.  I am more aware than ever of my failures.  I’m a loser.

Temporarily, of course.  It’s always temporary, right?  That next great thing is always right around the corner!

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of it.  I’m sick of the proverbial carrot on a stick, that’s always JUST out of reach.  In fact, in many ways it was this kind of thinking that got me into my current predicament.

I’m a natural optimist.  Always have been.  Saw the bright side of everything.  Long line?  What a wonderful opportunity to learn patience!  I’m gonna be a better human being thanks to this annoying grocery store!  Sure, I took it to an extreme, but there are also larger forces at work here.

Some of this is generational.  I’m about as old as you can be to still be considered Gen Y.  Born in the early 80‘s.  A lot has been written about how we are the entitled generation, how we suffer from extended adolescence, and how a childhood of our parents telling us that we can do anything with our lives followed by adulthood during the beginning of the end of America’s economic dominance has made us all unhappy.  Here’s a great article on Gen Y expectations, with fun stick-figure drawings to keep you interested. 

Some of it is also cultural.  I’m American.  Well, partly.  My passport’s American, but I’ve also lived about half my life in East Africa.  More on this in later posts.  The last 5 years of my life have been here in the States, and so right now this is the most significant cultural force in my life.  Living in a society that is a perceived meritocracy has played quite a role in my current predicament as well.  We’re all familiar with the old “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” narrative.  If you succeed in life, it’s thanks to your own efforts, right?  The more insidious side of this, that we sometimes tend to neglect, is that if you fail, clearly this is also your fault.  Author Allain de Botton goes into more depth on this subject in his excellent TED talk.

So what’s the point of all this?  I’m tired of looking ahead.  I’m tired of the carrot on a stick.  I’m tired of putting my head down and hoping for that golden ticket.  I want this blog to be a place where I can just tell the truth.  Because as I expressed in my last post, we need that.  We have a fundamental need to just communicate what’s going on in our heads, including the insecurities and depression and awkward confusing in-between times.


So where are all the TED talks by current losers?  If you want advice, guidance, or information on bettering your situation, the resources are countless.  Youtube videos, podcasts, blogs, self-help books abound.  But they all seem to be authored by people who are currently successful, talking about their past failures.  Some openly.  Many even encourage failure, as a necessary part of the journey towards success.  I’m not discounting this.  A great example is Scott Adams’ recent book “How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big.”

But I also suspect that I’m not the only person who wants to simply talk openly about now.  Yes, I want to improve myself.  Yes, of course I want to succeed.  But I also simply want to communicate.  To share my thoughts and insights.  To simply know that I’m not the only one in the middle of it right now.  I don’t want to wait until I’ve published a book or launched a company.  Partially for my own sanity & self-worth, yes, but also because I suspect I’m not alone.  I suspect there are others out there who might like to see a TED talk by a current loser, not a current-millionaire former-loser.  Maybe a necessary part of improvement, of success, is acknowledging and embracing current failure.  Maybe you’re like me and you have a harder time hearing this from someone who’s not in the throes of it themselves.

I’ve thrown the word “loser” around a lot in this post.  And I stand by it.  I understand the various different lenses through which we view success.  I understand that I have succeeded in many ways.  I’m not invalidating that.  I’ve spent my life on the cultural fringes, defining success and happiness my own way.  But there is a certain degree of self-deception involved in a worldview centered around preempting rejection by yelling “You can’t fire me, I QUIT!”

I will continue to be a weirdo.  I will probably remain on the fringe my entire life.  And my success will almost certainly come from embracing my own unique perspective and skills.  But there are also a few basic principles of good old status quo life that I could bear to learn.  Maybe it’s time for a little less prophet, and a little more profit.

My last post was a call to action.  To expend the extra effort to get out of your head and communicate.  I guess this is the same, but more specific.  Communicate the shame.  Communicate the insecurity.  Communicate the confusion.  Not just for your own sake, but for the rest of us out there who feel like losers.

The worst part about failure is the isolation.  That feeling like you’re the only one in that situation.  But it’s simply not true.  Let’s eradicate that myth.  That's the funny thing about being a loser.  As soon as you meet a few more losers, you don't really feel like losers anymore.

A little solidarity goes a long way.  We’re in this together.  Let’s just tell the truth. 


One loser to another.  ;)